by Kim Doner
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he?
I used to think that verse was such a mindless but mildly amusing nursery rhyme whenever I heard it. Until now. Until I realized that fuzzless wuzzies are truly out there.
Most folks are familiar with the existence of hairless cats and dogs but have no idea how many fuzzless wuzzies are available as pets. Indeed, if one is so inclined toward a little research, one can find rats, guinea pigs, mice, horses, hedgehogs, and bunnies to add to the happy homestead.
The standard
belief is that the animals’ hairlessness
prevents any problems with allergies in humans. That is wrong. The root cause
of animal allergies is a person’s overactive immune system, which reacts to dead flakes of skin (aka, dander), particularly dander that has been anointed with saliva or urine prior to dying, drying, and dropping.
I realize this is distasteful to consider, but if you have ever been subjected to a large dose of dander to which you are allergic, you will scramble to avoid the awful reactions it triggers: itchy, runny nose,
sore throat, hoarseness, wheezing, coughing — all the fun that feels
like flu coming on or even a fullscale asthma attack.
Keeping a fuzzless wuzzie will reduce dander because dander tends
to stick to fur, but that is hardly a promise that one is home free. The best bet to prevent reactions with any furred or furless pet is to use no rugs, no carpets, no upholstered furniture; keep no pets in the bedroom; vacuum with a HEPA filter; clean daily; and add a central air cleaner to
your unit for anyone with immune system problems caused by those guys. So … think about it.
All about Hairless
But let’s say you are determined to add to your family. Perhaps you think hairless cats are cool or charming, you have no allergy issues, and you’re tired of how many hair rollers you went through annually before Fluffy crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I mean, really — just the thought of owning (or being owned by) something called a Sphynx sounds cool, mystical, and unique. You could even develop an ongoing joke to “riddle me this” for the family. Thus, you start checking out hairless pets … and you might discover:
Hairless pets truly have little or no hair on their bodies; at most, it’s a very fine fuzz. Somehow, somewhere, an animal of whatever species had a genetic defect concerning its hair follicles, leaving it “hirsute challenged.” The revealed skin might or might not have markings on it, but it’s usually pink.
Although skin thickness will be the same for the hairless ones as it is for their hairier peers, it will require a certain degree of maintenance on your part. If you want to allow your bald pet to have outdoor time, be sure to lather on a special sunscreen for pets. If the temperature is chilly — the kind of chilly that would preclude you from a naked stroll around the backyard — then it will feel just as cold to hairless pets, and they will need proper attire to take in some fresh air.
Fortunately, several companies are happy to help with that. Clothing lines for hairless pets abound, with a wide variety to choose from. “Wide variety” is an understatement, I kid you not. You can find seasonal lines to celebrate every holiday, plus sweaters and booties and hats and hoodies and so forth. This perhaps takes one back to the childhood joy of dressing up dolls or having infants vulnerable to the self-indulgences a parent or grandparent might have toward personal expression.
If you take time to pursue photographs on the Internet, there is no end to the bizarre — or hysterically funny — ensembles that have been foisted on hairless cats in particular. I highly recommend such research while waiting for an oil change. The time will fly.
But I digress.
As for grooming needs, hairless pets do best when bathed frequently with a mild shampoo, then greased up with unscented lotion followed by mineral or coconut oil. Words of warning: Such pets often get blackheads. The gene that causes hairlessness also controls their pearly whites, so they might end up missing or losing teeth. Cats get nasty stuff built up under their nails (like a feline version of toe jam) that calls for a mani-pedi. Their eyes benefit from special washes for cleansing (remember: no eyelashes for protection, unlike full-furred kitties). Many will need a warm house with plenty of heated bedding.
Furless Felines and Friends
Much of my research was on hairless cats, the two most common lines being the Sphynx and the Peterbald (and I’m working hard not to snicker with that one). The Peterbald has been bred to have five kinds of coats — bald, chamois, velour, brush, and straight — and those terms are fairly self-explanatory. The cat’s coat can shift through the first two years, with hair texture changing from velour to bald before becoming permanent. It could be like having three pets in one! The only reason I would want to be reincarnated as a naked pet is that they get by with eating a lot more than the average fur baby, mostly to maintain body heat while running around the house or even backyard. (I would test that particular way to burn calories as a human but am way too chicken).
As for other pets of note:
1. Two of the most popular hairless dogs are the Chinese Crested from Africa (go figure on the name, right?), which sports a Mohawk and nothing more, and the Mexican Hairless. Mexican Hairless dogs are gracefully built pooches and rare in the no-fur category: They don’t need as much maintenance as their hairy counterparts. Their skin is the shade of polished, dark bronze clay, and they are historically recognized as the Aztec “dog of the gods.” So less maintenance, but be wary of an entitled attitude.
2. Guinea pigs were originally bred for meat, and then to make production easier, they were bred to be hairless. They look like potatoes with furry faces when bald and need the same constant warmth mentioned above.
3. Hairless rats, mice, and bunnies have all been bred for either laboratories or consumption. Breeders of the rats and mice have worked to improve the general health of those rodents, and they are comparable now to the fuzzies. The bunnies … well, not so much. Let’s face it, anytime genes are manipulated to such a degree, animals seldom manifest well. People have asked about hairlessness in
the wild. Usually, it’s a case of sarcoptic mange, which has been found in bears, raccoons, coyotes, and other animals. Once the animal is treated, the fur grows back. Historically, horses and apes have been born hairless too, without it being induced by disease.
Like a Tiny Person
But what about physical contact with a hairless animal? Ah, I can help here. Having held a Sphynx, I have my own take on adopting such a family member:
The little guy felt like a baby with a fever. His skin was superwarm and felt familiar — like a tiny person — yet also incredibly foreign because the “tiny person” came packaged in a cat shape. I was reminded of the H. G. Wells novel published in 1896, The Island of Doctor Moreau, in which a “mad scientist” experimented on animals to turn them into humans. The thought was hard to shake.
The muscles rolled under his skin as the cat hopped off of my lap and headed, tail up, to his heated bed, revealing a less-thanstellar style of personal hygiene. As an animal lover, I still found him lovable.
Lovable, but perhaps … an acquired taste.
